Being "Normal" : The Hidden Side
A lot of my work is focused on helping children with learning problems. One of the things that continually impresses me is the energy, time and devotion the parents give to helping their youngsters. It is awe inspiring.
At the same time, there is often another component in the situation that tends to receive far less attention. It concerns the other siblings in the family. As one child told me, "I lose because I am normal. My sister gets all the attention and I get almost none of it." Fortunately, the situation often leads to some wonderful things. For example, the sibs commonly become more mature and caring than other "normal" children. As you might imagine, those traits serve them, and others, well.
The issues in this very understudied area are incredibly intricate. As with so much of life, there are no easy answers. But there is a lot to be gained by starting to think and talk about the complexities.
So jf you, or someone you know, is in this situation, you might find it helpful to look at a book tilted " The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or Damaged sibling" by Jeanne Safer (Delta, 2003).
She was led to write it because of the experience with her own older brother, who had a range of medical and psychological problems. In her words, her goal is to help the "Normal Ones ... realize you're not alone."
Another good resource in this area is available at the website Sibnet where siblings can communicate with others all over the world.
