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Parents who consult with me are generally focused on helping their children with language and reading skills. Often though, in the course of conversation, they say something like, "By the way, my son, or daughter, is quite good at music but wants to stop the lessons. What should I do?"
As with all questions of teaching and learning, the answers are not simple. Still, all other things being equal, my advice is generally to have the lessons continue. One of my deeply held beliefs is that the development of skills--in all areas--has enormous payoff for a person over the course of his or her life. Many times, students have come back to me to tell me how pleased they are that they did continue--because as adults, they find great pleasure in music and in the competence they have in this realm.
Now, via a recent Harris Poll of 2,565 adults, there is evidence to support what I have been encouraging. The study showed that whether it's chorus, band or violin lessons, music impacts Americans' lives in many positive ways. Music education is associated with those who go on to higher education. For example, for those with
a high school education or less approximately two-thirds (65 percent) participated in music;
some college education, the comparable figure was 81 percent
a college education,.the figure was 86 percent
post graduate education, the numbers went up to 88 percent.
Music education is also associated with higher incomes. For example, for those with incomes of $50,000 or less, approximately a bit more than 70 percent participated in music compared to 83 percent for those with incomes of $150,000.
There is, of course, no simple one-to-one relationship here. Limited money and time certainly cut off the opportunities and so even though there is the desire to learn, it is not available. And certainly, for those who elect music as their profession soon find that money is hard to come by--so the training certainly does not pay off from that perspective. But as these results suggest, music is a fabulous area of human endeavor and it's wonderful to see that its benefits may be even more wide ranging than we might have suspected.
School is a powerful force that can overwhelm both children and parents. Like everything else, it becomes a bit more manageable when you can laugh about it. Here are some jokes to help you achieve that goal:
One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son. "Wake up now! It's time to go to school."
"I don't want to go to school," the son replied.
His mother said, "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
"Okay. One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
"Not good enough," the mother replied.
"Fine," the son said. "Then you give me two good reasons why I SHOULD go to school."
"One, you're 50 years old. Two, you're the principal of the school."
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!
The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"
Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
Little Janey wasn't getting good marks in school. One day she surprised the teacher with an announcement. She tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!"
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
And then to help you deal with parent-teacher conferences, here's some of the code you might find useful:
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
(A mouth that never stops yacking).
A lot of my work is focused on helping children with learning problems. One of the things that continually impresses me is the energy, time and devotion the parents give to helping their youngsters. It is awe inspiring.
At the same time, there is often another component in the situation that tends to receive far less attention. It concerns the other siblings in the family. As one child told me, "I lose because I am normal. My sister gets all the attention and I get almost none of it." Fortunately, the situation often leads to some wonderful things. For example, the sibs commonly become more mature and caring than other "normal" children. As you might imagine, those traits serve them, and others, well.
The issues in this very understudied area are incredibly intricate. As with so much of life, there are no easy answers. But there is a lot to be gained by starting to think and talk about the complexities.
So jf you, or someone you know, is in this situation, you might find it helpful to look at a book tilted " The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or Damaged sibling" by Jeanne Safer (Delta, 2003).
She was led to write it because of the experience with her own older brother, who had a range of medical and psychological problems. In her words, her goal is to help the "Normal Ones ... realize you're not alone."
Another good resource in this area is available at the website Sibnet where siblings can communicate with others all over the world.
A dedicated teacher had set aside some invaluable, individual tutoring time with one of her junior high students who was struggling with social studies. She structured the session by presenting relatively short segments of information and then immediately checking by asking the student some questions aimed at seeing if he understood what she had said.
The teenager always responded but his answers were variable. At times, they were correct; at other times, they were totally off the mark. Finally, the teacher said, "You have to listen!" At that point, the student looked up and plaintively said, "I'm listening but I don't understand."
With those seven words, this youngster summed up the days and lives of so many, many students. They are not resisting the system; they are trying the best they know how --only to find their efforts resulting in total confusion.
What can we do to help? Problems of "not understanding," are at their heart, problems in language. The language of many subjects--history, biology, mathematics, chemistry, and on and on--involve levels of words and meaning that exist nowhere else in the students' lives. And typically, it doesn't matter if it is spoken or written. Essentially it is a foreign language--with no one offering the keys to uncover the code.
There is no simple solution to a problem of this scope. But there are lots of things that can be done to make a difference. What I am planning to do is to offer, over a range of entries, a variety of remedies. This entry offers the first recommendation -- hence, the (1) in the title.
A key skill that the children need is what might be termed "attentive listening." By this, I mean, being precisely aware of the words that we are using--as opposed to simply using the words. You can get a sense of the difference between "using" and "awareness" by considering the following question--What is the sixth word in the Happy Birthday song? There you have it! You have probably sung and heard that songs dozens, if not hundreds, of times. The words flow easily from your tongue. But being fully aware of the words is another matter altogether.
To help your youngster develop this awareness, you might try the following: Create a sentence that is fairly long (relative to your child's ability). Let's say the sentence is, "This month is November and we are going to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday." (The words in bold are ones that you are going to ask your child is fill in. You do this by saying the words up to the first fill-in (i.e., This month is ) and then pause and wait for your child to fill in the blank. Then you go on and give the next segment and so on until it is completed. Then say to your child, "Now say the whole thing." If he or she cannot--and this means recalling each and every word perfectly, start again from the beginning.
Remember, you are doing this activity precisely because your child has some problems in this area. So it is only to be expected that things will not go perfectly. For example, if your child cannot come up with a word, what can you do? The answer is "Supply it," but then have your child repeat what you have said before proceeding on. On the other hand, your child may come up with a word that fits even though it is not the one you had thought of. For example, your child may use have instead of celebrate. That is fine. If the word fits the meaning, accept it and move on.
You should expect each sentence to take several tries before totally complete, accurate recall takes place. If that many tries are not needed, it's likely that the level is too easy and no real progress will be made. So keep in mind that it will take some time to find the right length of sentence for your child. And remember to write down all your sentences in advance --so that the session moves as smoothly as possible.
Aim for about three to four sessions a week with each session containing about five sentences. The entire "exercise" should not take more than about ten minutes. You can also make the content more appealing by including some jokes or puns among the sentences to be recalled. There are lots of other questions that may come up and if they do, feel free to write and ask about them.
The technique is remarkably age-friendly. You can use if with children from four years on up. Children that young, of course, are not facing the rigors of the history and science. But by starting at this age, you are laying the foundation that will prevent the "I'm listening but I don't understand" syndrome from every taking hold.
If you make this a regular part of your "quality time" with your child, you will be amazed at the improvements that you will see taking place in your child's speaking and listening abilities. .
A parent recently wrote to me with the following query:
I would like to use your Phonics Plus Five program for my daughter who is seven and has some serious developmental delays. She can recognize shapes but she has difficulty with sequencing and also with orientation when she "writes.". Can you advise me on what I can do to help her with these skills? Thanks, R L.
The issues that the parent has raised are extremely important. Visual sequencing and letter orientation are vital skills that, whenever possible, should be developed before a child learns to read. Phonics Plus Five has been set up to develop them via the Sequences in Sight and Letters to Write components of the program.
For some children, these components can seem to be beyond their capabilities. Fortunately, it is relatively simple to modify each so that it achieves the goals for which it was designed..
Let's start with Sequences in Sight. That component is aimed at developing the visual memory skills for effective reading. To do this, it is best to use material that the child cannot "name" (naming means that he or she can tell you the "name" of the object).
Why should we avoid things can be named? Because naming involves verbal memory rather than visual memory--so objects that can be named or labeled do not serve to develop visual memory. That is why Sequences in Sight has been designed to use foreign letters that most children cannot name.
However, the development of visual memory can be accomplished with any material that a child does not easily label. For example, if he or she does not readily and spontaneously name colors, then colored chips or colored pieces of foam offer a good substitute material.
Once the alternative material is selected, the problems can be set up just like those in Sequences in Sight with the exception that symbols are replaced by colors. So a color-based sequence of three (where the child has to select the objects in the bottom row that are the same as those in the top row) might appear as follows
top row blue, green, red
bottom row, blue, black, green, red, grey.
All the problems can be set up without memory (as in Levels 1 and 3 of Sequences in Sight) and with memory (as in Levels 2 and 4).
Another idea that can prove to be extremely helpful is (1) to give the child a thin stick (like a chop stick) to use in selecting the matching objects and then (2) as he or she uses the stick to point to the objects, the adult supports the child's hand (by holding it near the wrist). Parents are often reluctant to do this--but this technique can be extraordinarily powerful.
As for Letters to Write, the hand support technique just described can also be extraordinarily useful. Further, it can be invaluable in helping a child achieve an understanding of the "orientation" of letters that the mother mentioned. Specifically, as the child copies a letter, the adult supports the child's hand. Anytime the child wants to move in the "wrong direction," the adult holds the hand more firmly and prevents the movement. In other words, the only action open to the child is to make a stroke in the correct direction or orientation. Generally within four to six weeks, a child masters the orientation of all the letters in the alphabet. However, he or she may need the hand support for a considerably longer time since the motor skills of handwriting are considerable and the hand support greatly eases their burden.
If one steps back and looks at the adjustments that are needed, they are really simple. At the same time, they are extremely effective. Parents often create useful methods on their own. If you have some that have proven useful, please feel free to share them.
A favorite pastime for parents and children is bedtime reading. It's a true win-win situation. Not only is it enjoyable to sit back and experience a good tale, but it can be a major help in expanding a child's language and reading.
In my experience, most children and parents select stories as the books of choice. By that I mean, fiction as opposed to fact. There are many benefits to this type of reading and it, in no way, should be discouraged. At the same time, there is no reason to restrict the choices to these types of books. There are tremendous benefits to be had by expanding the selection.
There is, of course, the old adage, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Since bedtime reading seems so great, you might be wondering why the suggestion for any modifications at all?
The answer rests with something parents and children are very concerned about--namely, school achievement. School success is very tied up with reading success. And as many parents have found (much to their consternation), as children advance in the grades, reading becomes more and more difficult and less and less appealing.
While it doesn't receive nearly the attention it deserves, a key source for the growing resistance rests with an area termed "knowledge base." That refers to the fact that for higher level reading to be meaningful, the reader has to possess a fair amount of information before doing the reading. This includes almost any topic you might envision such as "the early explorers of the New World," "the debate about planetary movements" and "Mayan civilization."
One of the easiest and nicest ways to help your child build the necessary knowledge base is to expand your bedtime reading to include some non-fiction books. There is no need for the topics to be dry and boring (which is the way children often respond to them in school.) With bedtime reading, you can choose books written by the best authors in the world. And the topics can be anything your child loves--science, biographies, wars, adventures--take your pick. You can find loads of choices by asking your local librarian or searching on the internet for books in the categories that your child finds appealing.
One of the huge advantages of reading this material to your child is that you can offer fascinating, high level material well before he or she could read it independently. You can do this as early as five or six years of age since children at that age are particularly excited by new ideas. So while keeping all the pleasures of nighttime reading, you can also help your child gain the foundation for academic success.
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